This weekend, we wrapped up another All-Star weekend. It was an event that was supposed to stand the test of time, due to the fact that the big game took place in Jerry Jones' new billion dollar Cowboys Stadium. Only, for most of us, we'll remember this weekend for how extremely uneventful it actually was. To be fair - the All-Star game was pretty decent. As usual, it started slow and finished strong. On top of that, the atmosphere in that huge stadium was incredible. Visually, it was surreal to watch. Moving away from that, we have the other events that make up All-Star weekend.
First, you have this celebrity game. Which, every year, seems to get worse. I literally watch pee wee leagues play more exciting and competitive games. Remember Rock-N-Jock on MTV in the mid 90's? Those games were entertaining. The NBA's toned down version is brutal to watch. C-list celebrities with no actual talent, corny ass Harlem Globe Trotters, WNBA players who routinely blow layups, and Terrell Owens. And if T.O. doesn't have it going, the game has no redeeming qualities. Whatsoever. Fuckin Michael Rapaport won the MVP of the game with 4 points. 4 fuckin points.
Then you have the weekends newest event, H.O.R.S.E. Which was literally the biggest piece of shit game of H.O.R.S.E. you will ever see. First, the NBA brings in guys with zero personality and zero desire to turn this into an enjoyable event. Kevin Durant just shoots three pointers. Omri Casspi still can't believe he's invited. Rajon Rondo, a notoriously poor shooter, is draining everything - and looks incredibly depressed while doing it. The game was so long and boring, they ended up having to go to a three point shootout with Durant and Rondo. Which turned out to be 100 times more exciting than the actual event. Why not invite guys with personality or guys that are known to do trick shots? Kevin Love shoots full court shots at a curiously high percentage. LeBron James seems to make an underhanded three pointer from half court before every game. Steve Nash can make soccer style shots with his head and feet. Dwight Howard set a world record this weekend for longest shot while sitting down. Monta Ellis hit a backwards three pointer from the stands in a recent practice video. Where were these guys? The sad part is Durant, now a two time champion, will be back next year. And all he's going to do is shoot threes.
When did the three point shootout become so wack? I felt like I wasn't really watching the best shooters in the game. I'm not saying that because Paul Pierce won - but rather because I feel this contest used to really showcase the NBA's sharpshooters. Plus, its only two rounds now? Booo.
The Shooting Stars and Skills Challenge were good events. I have no complaints there.
However, that does bring me to the Slam Dunk Contest. Which, I can't even believe I witnessed. It was, by far, the most pathetic display I've ever seen in a dunk contest. When's the last time you came back from an All-Star weekend and didn't have ONE memorable dunk to talk about? Not one. You had Nate Robinson stealing another trophy because he's a midget. DeMar DeRozan minimal creativity. Gerald Wallace looking like some body's old ass uncle that still thinks he's one of the "fellas." Shannon Brown being one of the biggest flops in dunk contest history with his 'all hops/no style' garbage. Just an awful awful display. Has Nate Robinson outright won any of his dunk titles? I'm not hating - he just hasn't had a "Vince Carter" contest. I still think Iggy had the best shit in the first contest. I don't necessarily think Dwight was that great last year - but he basically helped Nate beat him with the Kryptonate shit. And this year, he won it by default. He's an impressive athlete - and a great dunker. He's also very "*" worthy.
Anyways, I'm done ranting. One person could have saved that disastrous dunk contest. A small forward in Cleveland, Ohio. But he flaked, because he's a vagina. So I blame him for everything.
Here's to hoping LeBron and Dwight do the contest next year. Or that the NBA just explores new ways to invite players. Fuckin make them submit an audition tape to the selection committee. Get guys who not only want to be in it - but have the goods.
Charles Barkley is God. Anybody catch him punk Stern?
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